Alien Teen Girl Blog :/

Every time I hear someone say, “social media is ruining us,” I roll my eyes. It’s fucking lame.

But then I scroll.

And there she is, the girl with the perfect hair flowing in the wind during a fit check. She poses effortlessly, wears “everyday” makeup that somehow looks flawless, has a signature scent, curated jewelry, and the cutest little hobby. She mixes patterns, wears polka dot socks with flats, and cute fake glasses. She’s a regular at her local coffee shop, has a nightly routine, can drink and party without spiraling, and dances the night away and still makes it to work on time the next day. She seems perfect or at least, normal. 

I want to be one of those girls.

But I’m not.

And I don’t even really know who I am. I just know it’s not that.

I’ve never felt particularly special. I’ve always felt kind of just there. Not even in a tragic way, just average. I have pinterest boards full of a beautiful future, but from where I’m starting, it feels like a long way off. I’ve always fixated on the end result without understanding the process of how to get there. Maybe social media really is plaguing my brain.

I don’t understand how people just grow up. I still feel like a kid.

I’m in my last year of teenhood, and yet I feel the same as I did in middle school. Adulthood is creeping in faster than I’d like, and I don’t feel ready. I don’t know how to cook three balanced meals a day. I don’t know how to save or even make enough money to support myself. I don’t know how to take care of myself and frankly, I don’t want to yet. I don’t want a big, empty apartment. I want to kiss my mom goodnight and sleep in my childhood bed. I want to shop at the same stores I did as a kid and play in the same parks. I rely on so many people just to leave the house… how the fuck am I supposed to grow up?

I’ve never understood how people just decide to become something new. Something trendy. Something adult.

And social media knows that, at least mine does. It finds the cracks in my self-image and slides in with this twisted game of comparison. I used to say that social media is what you make it and I still believe that. But it’s weird how it seems to shift with your mood. The deeper the hole I’m in, the more distorted everything looks. The more dangerous it feels. 

I usually try to end things on a light note, offer something hopeful. But I don’t think there’s a solution here. Or maybe I don’t want one. Because no matter how much I compare, no matter how badly I want to be a cool girl, I still wake up as me. And that’s not sad. It just is. Maybe the real answer is learning to swallow the pill of who I am. But for now, I think I’ll just keep scrolling.